the Random Stormtrooper fic by me
by Xenomoose
Summary: UPDATE! Valentines day goes depressing for RJ 181... aww, how sad...
1. Default Chapter

This is a Star-Wars humor fic based on Storm troopers. Deal with it.

NOTE: the - symbol indicates when that the person is speaking another language.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything except blahdy blahdy blah.

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Random Storm trooper fic

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(some Storm troopers are riding a deploying craft down to Tatooine. They feel happy because…) 

PG-13: WE'RE GOING TO THE MOS EISLEY CANTINA! WOHOO!

RJ-181: YEAH!

KK-111: MY G-STRING'S KILLING ME!

PG-13 and RJ-181: (disturbed mentally) … ooookaaay…

RJ-181: never say that or anything _related_ to that ever again, okay KK? ... Okay… KK… HEY! That rhymes! But seriously don't do that, KK-111.

KK-111: why? I'm just saying that-

RJ-181: (interrupting) DON'T! You scare us that way.

PG-13: Yeah, he's right! It makes us think you're gay.

Capt. Roland: Stop talking, you five!

PG-13: (correcting Roland) Three, sir!

Capt. Roland: Three! I'm sick of you guys going down to the cantina every night, getting drunk and hitting on those Twi-Leck girls.

KK-111: But they're HOT! Besides, if you don't like us going there, why are you here?

Capt. Roland: Because you three need a chaperone to drive you back, and I'm sure Lord Vader or the other commanding officers wouldn't want to do that! Also, there are things I need in the marketplace.

RJ-181: … Is it porno?

Capt. Roland: NO! Is sex the only thing you guys have on your mind?

All three Stormtroopers: (in unison) … yes.

Capt. Roland: (shaking his head) … uugghh. This is going to be a long day.

(the troopers land in the Mos Eisley spaceport. The Stormers (that's what everyone calls them) enter the cantina, seeing that it's the Twi-Leck twins' dancing night. Now they are happier than ever.)

RJ-181: Yep, this is the life! Drinking, shooting random Rebels, (shoots a random Rebel) and watching hot girls dance! I wish every day was like this… except with actual sex instead of just watching hot chicks dance.

Other two: Agreed!

(as they watch the Twi-Leck twins dance, Capt. Roland is in the market, trying to persuade the merchant he is buying from to let him buy some type of jewelry for his fiancée for a low price. The merchant is thinking Roland's gay.)

Capt. Roland: PLEASE! FOR THE LAST TIME, IT IS NOT FOR ME! IT'S FOR MY FIANCEE!

Merchant: -yeah, right.-

Roland: STOP ACCUSING ME OF BEING GAY, OR ELSE!

Merchant: -or else what? You'll shoot me? (laughs)-

Roland: EXACTLY! (shoots the merchant to death, laughing.) WHO'S LAUGHING NOW, MOTHER-FUCKER! (realizes that everyone is staring at him) … um… hi?... (runs away)

(meanwhile, our stormy friends have gotten extremely drunk. The twins come up to PG-13 and RJ-181, looking like they haven't had sex in 3 decades and are suffering from withdrawal.)

Twin 1: hey there, good lookings. You guys look handsome today.

Twin 2: yeah.

RJ-181: uuummmm… yesh, yesh we are handshome… we're teh handshomest shtormtroopersh in teh whole placey thing!

PG-13: yesh!

KK-111: (the only one not drunk) HEY! Why can't I get noticed by hot women?

PG-13: he'sh teh gay one, pretty ladiesh!

KK-111: I'M NOT GAY!

(Capt. Roland bursts in, grabs the stormers, and they leave, followed by the horny twins)

RJ-181: HEY! Were do yoush tink you're going, Cappy Rolling-Butt?

Roland: if we don't leave, Boba Fett will get me for killing Jabba's black-market merchant/jewelry store owner in the market!

Twins: DON'T LEAVE! WE HAVEN'T SHOWN YOU OUR "SPECIAL SURPRISE" YET!

(Roland and the Stormers get in the troop transport and leave, leaving the twins behind. After lamenting on the loss of their nights' fun for a bit, they go to their house and do each other. On the transport…)

KK-111: at least none of us got laid, so I don't get jealous.

Roland: yes, but Vader will have a field day when he finds out what I did! I'll be handed over to Fett, and then to Jabba, then I'm Rancor-food!

PG-13: ah, don't worrysh! You will be shafe with that guy in the green armor over there in that green ship trailing ush!

Roland: WHAT? (looks out the window, and sees Slave-1 coming after them) oh, FUCK!

(after a brief skirmish with Boba, Roland gets captured, and the Stormers are back on _the_ _Executor _and in their shared quarters, which is full of pictures of the Twi-Leck Twins naked and in different sexy poses. RJ-181 and PG-13 have passed out.)

KK-111: man, I love being back here, because there's nothing to do except lay back and enjoy these nude pictures of the naked twins. I wonder what happened to Capt. Roland.

(Jabba's palace. Roland is chained and on top of the collapsing floor thingy. Jabba says unintelligible stuff to him, and he gets dropped into the Rancor pit.)

Roland: (as the Rancor advances on him) oh, SHIT!

(Roland gets eaten. Back on _The Executor_:)

KK-111: Yeah, he's Rancor-food.

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The end… FOR NOW! evil laughing coming from nowhere, heard by nobody except the reader 


	2. Return of the stormers

Stormtrooper Fic chapter 2: RETURN OF THE STORMERS!

Yeah, I'm finally back. I'd tell you how this long wait happened, but unfortunately it's as long as this wait. So without any further ado:

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(The Stormers have been waiting a long time to see action, and they're suffering like a druggie suffers from withdrawl)

PG-13: ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodOHGOD! When can we fight rebels?

RJ-181: I know! I have a mighty NEED to kill some rebs! MIGHTY NEED!

KK-111: um, guys, how about we wait until we finally get a new commander.

RJ-181: "new commander"? what happened to Roland?

KK-111: god, for the LAST TIME, he was captured by Boba Fett and eaten by Jabba's Rancor when he killed the Fatso's Black Market dude.

PG-13: (angry like) hmph! All I remember from that is him ruining our nights fun, and it all ended up getting us banned from any planet the twins go to until they leave.

KK-111: hey, at least you don't have it like AK-47.

(FLASHBACK NOISE! FLASHBACK NOISE!)

(the former Stormer AK-47 is naked except for his helmet. A Female Gammorian with a lusty look in her eyes approaches)

AK-47: oh, god, why did I ever think that calling jabba fat right in his face!

(END FLASHBACK! END FLASHBACK!)

RJ-181: well… you do have a point… although Jabba should've known that he was fat, so what AK did was a little right…

KK-111: HE WAS SOLD TO A GAMMORIAN WHORE, YOU DUMBASS!

PG-13: hehe… sold to a fatass hoe-bag…

(intercom turns on)

Voice: May the… uh… "Stormers" please come down to the… uh, I mean up to the Bridge at this time for commander reassigning. Repeat: May the Stormers come up to the bridge at this time for commander reassigning.

(intercom turns off)

Stormers:… WHOOO-HOOO!

(they all go to the Bridge, where Darth Vader, Grand Moff Tarken, and an unfamiliar figure covered in robes wait for them)

Vader: At ease. We would like to assign you to a new commander due to Roland's little… accident.

Tarken: yes, do we would like to introduce you to commander Kaiser.

KK-111: Kaiser? What kind of a name like that?

(Kaiser's Robes disappear in a flash of light. When light fades, it turns out Kaiser is and old pre-empire Clonetrooper (the Episode III kind).)

Kaiser: I have no idea. It was the Kaminoans' idea for a name, and it stuck. What's it to ya? Hey, here's a better question: wanna shoot some rebels on Yavin?

RJ and PG: … I think we're gonna love this guy…

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So, I hope this is good for you guys waiting for this story. Good night! 


	3. Ten thousand ways to kill a rebel

Random Stormtrooper Story

Chapter 3: Ten-Thousand ways to Kill a Rebel

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(On the jungle-ish planet Yavin, Commander Kaiser shows the stormers a neat trick to kill a Rebel silently but with a blaster)

Kaiser: I found it on a slug-thrower on some unmarked planet in another galaxy.

KK-111: you went out of the galaxy? That's suicidal!

Kaiser: I know, but I didn't care, and still don't. Anyways, the natives called it a "silencer", so I stuck it on my blaster and tried it out. It was so fun, I got more. Here you go! (He hands silencers to the stormers)

RJ-181: w00t! Now, let's kill some rebs!

(The group finds a bunch of rebels and shoots at them with the silencers)

Rebel 1: who the? I saw the blaster but where's the sound? I'm confused.

Rebel 2: Let's ponder this quandary. (Ponders)

R1: yeah. (Ponders)

(All rebels start to ponder)

RJ-181: (He nearly bursts out laughing) c'mon, guys, let's shoot 'em while they're stupid.

(The Stormers and Kaiser shoot the pondering rebels.)

Kaiser: that was fun! Hey, lower ranking buddies; let me show you another cool trick we can do. (He takes out a tiny droid)

KK-111: what's that?

Kaiser: this, my gay-ish friend, is a sentry droid. Look at it go! (He sets it off towards the Arena, where a bunch of rebels are having a meeting)

(At the meeting, the sentry droid stops right in the middle of the meeting. The Rebels look at it, not sure what to do.)

Rebel 3: um… what should we do?

Mon Calamari Rebel: -Ummm… I dunno. Shall we ponder this quandary?-

Rebel 3: let's not, that jokes already old.

(The sentry droid starts beeping)

MCR: -What's that noise?-

(An air strike destroys the entire Arena and a few surrounding building ruins, killing every rebel in the area.)

PG-13: that was better than seeing the Twi-Leck Twins naked.

Kaiser: Boy, what I will show you over the years will be better than seeing a thousand versions of those sluts you jerk off to naked.

PG-13: cool.

KK-111: um, sir, do you have anything g else to show us today?

Kaiser: of course, I know something that can take out that temple full-'o-rebs a few miles away.

RJ-181: (in awe at the last rebel-killing session) … yay…

(The Stormers head off to the temple. When they get there, Kaiser calls for an unintelligible package to be safely dropped near their position.)

KK-111: what's that?

Kaiser: you like asking that, don't you? Well, this thing also came from the off-galaxy planet, and it's called an "Atomic Bomb". Cover me while I sneak it into the temple.

(The Stormers help Kaiser sneak the bomb into the Temple and Kaiser sets the time to enough so that they can run to a safe distance, which is exactly what they do after the timer is set.)

RJ-181: (eagerly anticipating whatever will happen next) what's gonna happen?

Kaiser: Watch and see.

(They all watch. Suddenly, a bright flash flares up, followed by a loud KA-BOOM! When the flash clears and the stormers could see, they see a big mushroom cloud. A rebel arm lands in front of KK-111, who faints at the sight. Soon, more rebel bits and pieces rain down from the sky.)

PG and RJ: (unanimously) … AWESOME!

Kaiser: I knew you would love that. (Looks at KK's unconscious body.) Wasn't so sure about this boy here. Well, I'm done for the day. Let's all eat something. I'm hungry.

(PG and RJ pick up KK's body and everyone goes back to _The Executor_ for food. Too bad it was corn and ketchup day in the mess hall. They had to wait until they got back to Coruscant before they got good food.)


	4. Belated Halloween cheer!

(Halloween on the _Executor_ is the best day in a Stormtrooper's life, besides Christmas. Everyone but the high-ranks on the High Ranks and Guest Quarters level go trick or treating in costume. Take our friends the Stormers. PG-13 is a Colonial Marine from ALIENS, RJ-181 is Dark Helmet of Spaceballs, and KK-111 is a Spartan of Halo. Their first place of choice was Emperor Palpatine's Guest Quarters. Lucky him.)

The Stormers: TRICK O' TREAT!

Palpatine (wearing Cloak): ugh... here, have some dwix. (Gives Dwix)

KK-111: YES! DWIX!

(Palpatine closes the door to his quarters)

PG-13: Dwix? why not Twix? it's real...

RJ-181: hey, he's a cheap bastard. he never get's the real thing.

(palpatine comes back out)

Palps: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?

RJ-181: ummm... nothing?

Palps: ... (Electrocutes RJ and goes back inside)

KK-111: are you okay?

RJ: ... (Shoots KK).

PG-13: ok… let's go to Tarkin's place next.

(at Tarkins…)

Stormers: TRICK O' TREAT!

Tarkin (who wears his uniform): ugh… (thinking) it's times like these when I wish I died on some battlefield than still be Alive now(stop thinking) umm… here's some candy. (he puts a few Pieces of candy in each stormer's bag and closes the door, muttering something about suicide)

PG-13: ok, I gots me a 3 Musketeers, a Twix, thank God, and a Milky Way. What about you guys?

RJ-111: some Kit-Kats, and a bag of gushers. Funny, I never knew they still sold those things.

KK-111: I got a rock.

PG-13: okay, how about we go to Kaisers' Quarters?

(and at Kaisers')

Stormers: TRICK O' TREAT!

Kaiser (dressed in a Predator Costume): Hey it's my men! Holy crap, what happened to your candy?

KK-111: we only hit two other places. That, and I got a rock at the last place. I like your costume, though.

Kaiser: Really? Well, I would've been an Alien, but I didn't know PG-13 was a Colonial Marine, so I decided to go Preddy. Hey, check this out! (Raises right hand and makes a fist. As he makes his fist, wristblades pop out.) And I won't tell you how I did that!

RJ-181: It's easy. There's a button on your hand that releases the blades when you make a fist. When you make another fist, the button that's pushed pulls the blades back.

Kaiser: … you're too smart for your own good, y'know? You take the fun out of these things. Well, you guys need sweets, so here you go. (gives 10 handfuls of candy to each Stormer. His wristblades pop out and in each time his right hand grabs something.)

KK-111: wow… you must be the King of Candy. The Sultan of Sweets.

PG-13: And all of this candy is the real deal… and there's also cookies and Brownies and… is that a Ben and Jerry's thing there?

RJ-181: whoa Mama! Let's hit the other places.

Kaiser: See you guys next mission!

(soon, the Stormers have hit most of the places and are about to get to Darth Vader's place. They have three bags of candy each, and the third one is near full.)

PG-13: hey, remember when we were Republic Forces?

RJ-181: yeah, we weren't clones, but we always got paired with that hot Twi'Lek Jedi.

PG-13: I wasn't going to say that, but yeah, she was hot. I was going to talk about the Cloneys. Y'know, AK-47, BB-22, and UG-98?

KK-111: those guys were whacked on something, man. Didn't AK get biz-ay with the Twi'Lek Jedi?

PG-13: (bad memories coming back) yeah… and you know the worst thing about that? She promised ME that she wasn't seeing anybody, and I walked in on them doing it.

RJ-181: (pat's PG's back) don't worry. They're both dead now. In fact, I think they killed each other during that whole Order 66 thing.

PG-13: yeah, you're right. Well, let's get Vader's place.

(at Vader's Place)

Stormers: TRICK O' TREAT!

Vader: … didn't I tell you last year that I don't celebrate Halloween?

PG-13: yes, sir.

Vader: And didn't I tell you the same thing the year before that, and the other Years Before, and that I only let you all celebrate this foolish holiday just to shut you all up?

KK-111: yes, sir.

Vader: and you, Stormtrooper Unit RJ-181, didn't I tell you NOT to wear that mockery of me or I will beat you over the head with a lamp?

RJ: yes, sir.

Vader: Then GET OUT OR I WILL DO THAT VERY THING!

Stormers: (scared) yes sir! (all run)

(soon, at their room, the Stormers compare their treats.)

PG-13: 100 Milky Ways, 80 3 Musketeers Bars, 20 Cookies, 23 Brownies, 2 Ben and Jerry's Half-Baked-Flavored Ice Creams, 76 Milk Duds, 104 Twix candies, 8 Butterfingers, and 1 Dwix.

RJ-181: same as you, except I have a few Kit-Kat Bars.

KK-111: same as PG, but I also have a Rock.

PG-13: well, my best buddies in the whole world; let's eat as much as we can before we collapse from too-much-candyitis. What say you?

Other two: YES!

(and so they all eat half of their candy collection, pass out, and KK-111 get's a new Pet Rock)

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I hope you all enjoy this belated Halloween Edition!


	5. Stormer Thanksgiving

_The Stormtrooper Thanksgiving Special!_

Sorry for the long update, but I'm lazy like that. Now…

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(Although you may not know it, the Imperials have their own thanksgiving. It celebrates the day Palpatine executed Order 66 and started the Empire. On the _Executor,_ everyone reports to the mess hall and Darth Vader personally cuts the giant bird that everyone eats with his Lightsaber. In fact, this is the only holiday he actually enjoys. But how does this bird get found? The Stormers are sent to find this years bird. In fact, they're on Endor right now.)

Kaiser: ahh, the thrill of the hunt! Isn't it nice to be out in the wilderness, hunting giant defenseless animals that will end up on our plate?

KK-111: hells yeah! Man, I'm going to eat so much today! Birds, Ham, Hot Dogs, Pickles, Spam… um, what else do they serve Thanksgiving?

RJ-181: I think the list is: Big Bird, Ham, Spam, Biscuits, Kielbasa (with Sauerkraut), Beef Jerky, Salted Peanuts, Hot Dogs, Macaroni and Cheese, Pickles, Hamburgers, and Nerf Surprise.

KK-111: yeah, that stuff!

PG-13: look! There's a Big Bird right there!

(in the distance, Big Bird pops up)

Big Bird: who, me?

(PG-13 shoots Big Bird in the head)

Kaiser: umm, that was Big Bird, not A big bird. But you still did the galaxy a favor.

PG-13: YES! Cross that out on my list (takes out a list: "Sesame Street Characters I have killed", and crosses out Big Bird)! Now I just need to get Elmo and Cookie Monster and I'm done!

(They keep looking for a big bird, listening to various Rammstien Songs (provided by Commander Kaiser) on the way. They just finished "Mutter" when they come across an Ewok.)

Ewok: Yub Yub?

Kaiser: hey, little teddy bear! Can you tell me where to find a big-ass bird 'round these parts?

Ewok: Yub. Yub yub yub. Yub yubity yub yub.

RJ-181: sir, do you know what he said.

Kaiser: no idea whatsoever. But I think he says that he does know, but he doesn't want to tell us. And we smell like dookie.

RJ-181: o… kay… let's just find that bird and get outta here.

(they leave, but not before letting PG-13 kill the fluff ball for being too cute.)

KK-111: Gawd, I'm so bored! Why didn't we see one of those birds yet?

(and just as he says that, a Giant Turkey pops out from nowhere, runs into a tree, and dies.)

Everyone: (stares at the corpse)

Kaiser: um… well, we have what we came here for; let's get outta here with the bird.

(one hurried run to the shuttle and a space battle on the way to _Executor_ later, the Stormers present their bounty to Grand Moff Tarkin. Soon, it's time for the feast.)

Darth Vader: (saber ignited, raised over the cooked bird) and we hereby give thanks to Emperor Palpatine for creating the Galactic Empire and giving us the power to crush our foes mercilessly.

Everyone aboard the _Executor_: Amen.

(Darth Vader cuts the bird into many slices. In fact, it's enough that everyone present could have 3 slices apiece.)

KK-111: man, Vader can cut! And the Lightsaber burns give it a nice crispy taste!

PG-13: (staring at his plate) so much food! I can't possibly eat it all, but I must!

RJ-181: yeah, like someone's holding a blaster to your head and telling you to eat all of that food.

(in fact, a cloaked figure is standing next to PG-13 with a blaster pointed at PG's head whispering quietly "eat all of that, or I'll shoot you")

Kaiser: well, eat up! Enjoy!

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Have a Happy Thanksgiving!


	6. Yes, Virgina, there is a Stormtrooper

The Stormtrooper Christmas Special!

Note: three specials in a row! W00tness! Man, I need to make a regular chapter… well, enjoy!

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(The Empire has had a rough month. It started out good, when Darth Vader captured Princess Leia from the _Tantive IV _and took her aboard the Death Star, which the Stormers call, "the Big Shiny Ball-O'-Doom", and blew up a planet. But some dude whose' last name is the same as Vader's old name and a few others came and took her away, even though Vader killed the rumored "Last Jedi" (PG-13: I don't even know what a Jedi is!). The next day, the Rebels came and blew up the Death Star, which saddened Vader. So the Stormers made up an Idea to cheer Vader up: Get him a Christmas Present!)

PG-13: so, what should we get him?

KK-111: I know! How about the destruction of the Rebels!

PG-13: … um, what do you think the Empire is trying to do?

KK-111: oh…

RJ-181: how about their secret base?

PG-13: … yeah… then we'd get his respect and we'd be popular… so that'd be like a Christmas present to him AND us!

RJ-181: yes, but it'd take a while. So we'd best get started now.

(So, the first spot they try for information is the Bothan Home world, whose name I've forgotten.)

KK-111: so, Mr. Bothan, where's the rebel secret base?

Bothan: -we cannot tell you. We are rebel sympathizers, and we cannot tell you.-

KK-111: oh.

(Failing that, they go to the next likely spot, Tatooine, where any info could be had, for a price.)

PG-13: Dude, at what price can I get info on the Rebel Secret Base?

Trando Merc: 15,000,000 Credits.

PG-13: shit.

(Failing _that_, they go to the last likely spot, the _Executors'_ brig.)

RJ-181: Prison Slave! Do you know where the Rebel Secret Base is?

Rebel POW: no, they didn't tell me.

RJ-181: FUCKER! (Shoots POW)

(And so, on Christmas Eve, the Stormers have no secret base, and worse, they found out that Vader found the Secret Base on his own.)

PG-13: shit… we came a long way to find where the Rebel Base is, and Vader founds out on his own.

KK-111: Actually, We just asked random people whe-

PG-13: shut up.

RJ-181: well, nothing really matters, any way the wind blows… that sounds familiar…

PG-13: Shut up.

KK-111: wait, how about we just tell Vader a neat plan to take the place over.

PG-13: Shut u- … GREAT IDEA!

(and on Christmas Day, they tell Vader a cool plan involving AT-ATs to take over the base. And Vader is Happy. On the day of the invasion (the republic new year, to be precise), the Stormers end up on the AT-AT that blows up the Shield Generator and starts the invasion. KK-111 ends up to be the first person to be sent back to the _Executors'_ Hospital due to massive crying over a blaster bolt grazing his armpit. And that is the story of the Stormer Christmas.)


	7. Valentines Depression

Stormtrooper Valentines Day Special (aww, how sweet!)

(Valentines Day, the day of love. It's also a day that gives teens another reason to screw each other and loners to kill themselves. Thankfully, the Stormers have their own valentines, in the form of magazines. Stormtroopers are usually to evil/dumb/both to get a girl for themselves, so they get magazines. Those freakin' perverts.)

PG-13 (into a hallway): HEY GUYS! I JUST GOT THE WET-HOT ISSUE OF PLAY-SPACER!

(Every Stormtrooper in the _Executor _crowds into the hallway to get a look. Palpatine and Vader walk by; look at the mass of perverts, and walk away, hoping that they don't get forced into the mass. Not after last time…)

LL-206: OMFGBBQBISCUITS! I need to see!

GJ- 843: I Knowz! Hot Twi'Leks nood in jacuzzeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! Must seeziz it!

(And that should explain that, but wait! RJ-181 gets an Email (no, not for porn this time) from his family)

RJ-181: What the hell? (Reads) … HOLY SHIT!

KK-111: what? Is it gay porn?

RJ-181: shitshitshitshitshitshit! How could this happen!

PG-13 (breaking out of the crowd of pervs): what? You got one of those sales-mail? Didn't we get a blocker for those

RJ-181: no… my Girl, my One and Only… (All the perv-troopers pause and stare at him)

PG-13: did you read the chapter's first () statement? We're to evil/dumb/both to get a girl.

RJ-181: YOU guys are, you bunch of perverts, but I had a family, and a girlfriend… and now I get an Email from dad that she… fuck…

KK-111: what, she cheated on you?

RJ-181: no, she was… killed… by a mob of rebel sympathizers who learned that she was going out with… me… (Goes silent)

PG-13: whoa whoawhoawhoahwoahwhoawhoawhoa! Why didn't you tell us before?

RJ-181: because then you would keep asking me to get nude pictures of her.

KK-111: wait! Plot-hole alert! If you had a girl, then why didn't you feel guilt after the whole Twi'Lek Twins fiasco that ended up with our old commander dead?

RJ-181: I was drunk! Now, I have to be alone… (goes to his room)

Cmdr Kaiser (breaking out from the group): hey! Heard what happened to RJ. To keep KK from asking, everyone could. You could hear a god-damned pin drop from the silence he caused… so, how about we leave him alone for now. Maybe when he's better, things will be normal!

KK-111: I don't think he'll be the same… HEY! How about we get him something to let him know we care!

Crowd: THAT'S GAY! (Everyone leaves the Stormers. PG-13's magazine is now missing)

PG-13: I guess we could… we could kill the rebel sympathizers who killed his girl.

Kaiser: OKAY! Now… what planet does he live at.

(RJ comes out of the room)

RJ-181 (all sad): I'm taking a shuttle to her funeral… if you guys want to come; you can, just as long as you don't make jokes during it…

(At the funeral, in Corellia, the city of Coronet, at the cemetary beside it. It is silent, except for sobs coming from family members and RJ. The Stormers are out of armor. After the funeral, RJ comforts and gets comforted by family and friends of his GF. Soon, the Stormers are on their way back to the shuttle, when PG comes up with the suggestion)

PG-13: yo, RJ… if you want, we can hunt down the people that killed your girl and pay 'em back…

RJ: … I don't think I can point a gun at anyone today, let alone shoot 'em. Thanks but no thanks…

Kaiser (getting all important): HEY! RJ-181, you, as the boyfriend of this beautiful woman, should avenge the death of the one you love, and the only way to do that, is to blast their asses into the lowest layer of HELL! Now get up, and let's get 'em!

RJ-181: (looks at the Stormers, his friends, and decides.) … FUCK YEAH!

(And so, after many hours of tracking, questioning, and killing random by passers who looked at them the wrong way (and also a smashing tea party with Mr. T, Vin Diesel, and Chuck Norris), they find the base of these assholes, and, well, let's just say that Air strikes can get the job done, but leave a big hole in the city as well. Back on the ship…)

RJ-181: guys… thanks… you really let my anger go free on those jerkoffs… I think my girl will rest in peace knowing that I avenged her… thanks.

Other Stormers: You're welcome!

PG-13: besides, while you avenged her death, the rest of us saw the most awesome use of air strike-age!

KK-111: yep. The best!

(And so, RJ's Valentines day was ruined, then put back to goodness. And the Stormers also got to meet Mr. T, Vin Diesel, and Chuck Norris! Most people's heads would explode from so much awesome-ness!)

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Aww, how cute! HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!


End file.
